DX: Alright, lets play a little word association game. I’ll--
UR: Oh Lawd, Lawd have mercy mercy I feel like I’m talking to a colored gal! I pray to God that I ain't, go ahead, go ahead, I’m just gonna pretend you ain't.

DX: We’re gonna  play a word associate game…I’ll throw out some words and phrases, and you tell me your initial thoughts…ready?
UR: Alright, yeah...

DX: Nappy Headed Hoes.
UR: Nappy headed hoes? So I tell you the first thing that come to mind when I think of "nappy headed hoes"? Oprah and Gayle.

DX: 50 Cent vs. Kanye West.
UR: I hope they both shoot each other and blow each others' testicles off. Next question…that’s a win/win situation let me tell you… the black-on-black crime is a win/win situation for everybody. Go ‘head, next question.

DX: Michael Jackson.
UR: Oh Lawd bless his soul...lucky. He is a lucky man…some how he was able to change, to pray to enough to change his colored skin and his colored nose into that of a beautiful white man or woman. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

DX: Slavery.
UR: Slavery? Misunderstood.

DX: How is it misunderstood?
UR: Well, look here. You had colored folks for the first time in history and the last time in history going out and workin' everyday makin' an honest day's pay for the work they doin'. They had they food provided, they had clothes provided, they had shelter provided, colored folks ain't got that no mo’. Slavery was a misunderstood institution…they even had a free boat-ride on the way over here. When was the last time you had a free boat ride, colored girl? You ain't never had one.  If you was a slave right now you could be sittin' back on a luxurious cruise shining your shackles. Next question.

DX: White devil.
UR: White devil? Inappropriate. No such thang. It’s inappropriate for you to suggest such a thing.

DX: Favorite food.
UR: My favorite food? …Let's see here what I got... mostly cans of…Dinty Moore Beef Stew. That’s a good food. If you wanna heat it up you can, but if you don’t, it make a nice lil' jelly right on the top of the can and Lawd it is delicious. Any kind of food that can congeal at the top and give you an extra meal out of it is a delicious food.

DX: BET.
UR: [Pauses] When I think of that, I don’t have a single word to associate with it. But I will say, that is the place where Negroes go to get their Negroness fully and flat.  That’s the one station on TV that I agree all Negroes should watch.  Stop watchin' the [white] man's channels with they high contrasts and they thought processes, and go watch that simple BET.  Let they brains shrink down to the size of a shriveled up peanut while you watch all them black hooligans…go ‘head, watch your BET.

DX: Flavor Flav.
UR: Flavor Flav? Here’s my question for you…he's the one that wears that big ol’ clock around his neck?

DX: Yeah.
UR: When the hell did they let howler monkeys learn to tell time? Let me tell you something, next time I see him and he be able to tell time, I might just put a bullet through my head…Flava Flav…the only flavor he is, is dark chocolate. What the hell he doin' on television? He needs his own BET show fa sho’.

DX: Martha Stewart.
UR: Martha Stewart…oh Lawd…Lawd, I wish I had a tissue here right now 'cause I think I just soiled the front of my pants…Martha Stewart is everything that is pure in life. When I close my eyes and think of Martha Stewart, the thangs she has taught us, and that sweet gentle neck of hers...I think of the time she’s spent in prison around all them African savage women. Lawd it makes me wanna write my governor a letter…if there was any way for me to learn how to sew my pillow at night with a lil' Martha Stewart face on it, I don’t think I'd ever wanna get outta bed in the morning. She is goodness and light rolled up into one fine package.

DX: R. Kelly.
UR: R. Kelly? That’s that boy peein' on them people ain't he?

DX: Mmhmm.
UR: Did he pee on black folks or white folks?

DX: It was a black girl.
UR: Oh, he’s fine then. As long as he keep the humiliation away from the Caucasian people then he fine with me.

DX: Bill Cosby.
UR: He's alright lately 'cause he telling niggas that they niggas, but back in the day, Bill Cosby wasn’t alright with me. I ain't got no opinion on Bill Cosby, he can do whatever the hell he wanna do.

DX: Bill O’Reilly.
UR: Oh Lawd, I never wanted to make love to a man before in my life, but that Bill O’Reilly…the way he all smart in his head, he knows the truth. Bill O’Reilly is a truth-speakin' man, if anybody can't understand the truth that Bill O’Reilly speakin', then they can't understand nothin'.  Bill O’Reilly, if I had my way I would vote him the next president of the United States of America. Continued on page 3 »