The White Rapper Show Episode 3
Before I get to recapping the last show let me fill you in on my overall feelings about this series. Normally I would have just ignored a show with a premise like this, cause it sounds like just another bad reality show with a bad gimmick. Two things have persuaded me to tune in; ego trip and MC Serch. For those who don’t know, ego trip was a dope magazine in the mid to late 90’s put out by a group of highly respected cats (including XXL’s now editor-in-chief Elliot Wilson). The mag is now defunct but they did leave the world with Hip Hop’s true bible; ego trip’s Big Book of Rap Lists. So now, anything with their name attached to it, I will check. Then there is Serch, the former front man for 3rd Bass who delivered some classic material for Def Jam in the early 90’s. Responsible for putting on the legendary MF DOOM back when he was Zev Lov X and helping jumpstart the career of some guy named Nas. More importantly, Serch is one of the most respected students of this game, with a renowned encyclopedic knowledge of Hip Hop culture.
Schooling young rappers on the history of Hip Hop and how to be an emcee is a great concept for a show, and they’ve done it very well. The problem is the white rapper gimmick, because not only did they pick certain people to make them look real corny, but you’d be sadly mistaken if you think young white rappers need any more schooling than young black rappers these days. Other than that, I’ll watch Grandmaster Caz host a trivia show anytime. On with the show…
*****
Ep 3 starts off with a bit of a recap, Persia talks about her fuck up and Sullee claims to now be the sexiest person in the house. He also says he is still trying to tap Misfit even though she is off the show. G-Child keeps going on about fucking Vanilla Ice, is he paying her for this?
Serch shows up with a couple legends in tow, Sadat X and Lord Jamar! Illy. Where is Puba? Apparently they’re here to school these cats on some aspects of emceeing. Serch says today’s challenge will involve going to a real studio.
Sadat X starts teaching while Jamar just stands there looking straight disgusted. I’m not the only one who notices. Finally he interrupts and demands to know why they are worthy of his jewels. This is gonna be good. Silence ensues.
G-Child says she deserves it basically because she keeps it real.
Jamar: “Somebody got a ghetto revival or some shit like that? Who is that?”
John Brown: “That’s me”
Jamar: “That’s you? What’s that mean?”
John Brown: “Ghetto revival is a company, we based in Brooklyn you know what I’m sayin…and we got experienced members of the street.” (The streets is giving out memberships now?)
Jamar: “Okay, whats that all about?”
Brown: “It’s a company, we got experienced members of the street”
Jamar: “I don’t care who ya got, what’s it about?”
Brown: “It’s about the revival”
Jamar: “The revival of what?”
Brown: “The ghetto”
Jamar: “Why would you wanna revive the ghetto? The ghetto is poverty and pain. Especially for black people.”
Brown: “We trying to revive it economically, spiritually, you know what I’m sayin? Infrastructure wise, its nothing but love my brother”
Jamar: “When I hear ghetto revival I’m thinking that y’all wanna bring ghetto shit back. Like y’all want niggas pissing in elevators and smoking crack and shit like that”
Brown: “Nah man. Hallelujah holla back. Hallelujah holla back. Hallelujah holla back."
Oh my fucking lord. That right there is the highlight of the show, they ain’t topping that shit. What a fucking retard. After that run in during ep. 1 with Persia (who musta been DYING hearing this), I was hoping one of these rappers was gonna put dude in his place.
A little more talk and X and Jamar bounce, Serch asks for their right sneakers so he can split them up into teams; team 1 is Jon Boy, Jus Rhyme, John Brown and Persia, team 2 is G-Child, 100 Proof, $hamrock and Sullee. Persia says her team is “lyrically trash,” Sullee says his team is no joke and a win should be easy. Serch says they are headed to the studio to work with Prince Paul, hotdamn!
But oooh snap, this ain’t no recording studio! It is a television studio complete with live studio (black) audience and host Prince Paul for the game show Affirmative Reaction. To test their knowledge of black culture in a family feud type format, Paul chooses to host wearing some African gear complete with black leather glove and spear. First question; top terms of endearment for black women? 100 Proof says “boo,” number 1 answer. G-Child doesn’t answer, nice work. Sullee says “ma,” negative…wtf? Even Paul doesn’t know how that misses. Paul Wall Jr. says “baby girl,” nope, 3 strikes. Other team says “shorty,” no dice…WTF? Remaining answers are “wifey,” “sista,” “queen” and “goddess.” When was the last time you heard a black man call a black woman a goddess? God bodies notwithstanding. Question 2; African American icons whose portraits are most seen in Black barbershops? Answers are MLK, Malcom, Ali (all guessed), 2Pac and Bill Clinton. They guessed Frederick Douglas, James Brown, Mandela, and Marcus Garvey as well. Question 3; stereotypes that blacks secretly believe are true? Sullee says “large penises” and the crowd goes wild, Paul says “that is true.” Classic stuff. Of course its number one and Paul tells Persia he knew she had that answer, dude is too funny. $hamrock gets yelled at for saying “never on time.” Sullee guesses police harassment, nope. Damn this show is rough, other team steals with, you guessed it, love chicken. Last question; word most used to describe OJ. Jon Boy says “innocent,” which is wrong and Baby Wall says “nutritious.” W-o-w. Wrong of course and they move to the next question; products most commonly advertised on Soul Train. Jus Rhyme’s team ends up winning with “food.” Losers win “white privilege” cologne but Paul reminds them “if you’re white, you’re all winners.” Pretty hilarious segment, mostly due to Prince Paul.
Back at the house and here comes Serch. And the winners get to go uptown and eat some southern grub and hang out with someone who is apparently really hot in every way; Juelz Santana. Hmmm, nope, wack, sorry. How you go from Brand Nubian on the show to Juelz?
Ouch, losers gotta do the winner’s laundry, this isn’t gonna go over well. Sure enough, Sullee is heated.“It went from very real and about spittin’ to very degrading about my knowledge of black stereotypes. I don’t use them, cause I know real black people. The rules were stupid, now I’m doing their fucking laundry, I don’t do my own fucking laundry.”
Wah wah. Well if you know so many black people then you should know what they call women and who hangs in their barbershops. Shit had nothing to do with stereotypes. I thought it was a great game, too many white kids wanna be rappers and a part of the culture and don’t know shit about the people who started it. This game had to be Serch’s idea.
John Brown is doing arts and crafts, or making his ghetto revival business cards out of cardboard. Same thing.
Laundry time, and no one knows what to do what to do except Paul Wall Jr. How y’all this old and don’t know how to do damn laundry? Time to get out ya mom’s house.
The winners are at a soul food joint with Juelz and his stupid ass bandana.
John Brown: “I’m bringing that official burbs stuff, suv’s and sat’s, clean streets, keg parties, who know what I’m talking ‘bout?”
Juelz: “I like it cause you know its real to you. It’s the burbs, it where you come from”
That is why I have so much respect for Lord Jamar and none for Juelz. What a fool.
Back to the laundermat, 100 Proof says he isn’t gonna win a Martha Stewart award. Exciting.
Back at the restaurant and Juelz starts with thug motivation 101, his advice; put everything into it if you wanna make it. Insightful. It was good stuff for the most part though, he earns a point from me.
Back at the house, G-Child struggles some more with realizing she’s wack. Perhaps she’ll realize she needs a new hair style soon too. The King of the Burbs plays ball, or chucks a ball at a backboard, whatever you want to call it.
They’ve got mayo: Serch tells them to go get haircuts!! Did he just read that or something? Does Serch have access to a time machine and is structuring the show around my recaps??? While I work under that assumption, let’s all hope G-Child gets a haircut. And uh Serch, why’d you tell them to get their wigs pushed back? Forget what that means?
WTF? G-Child is faking sick to keep from going to the barbers!! Persia suspects she wants time to write, I suspect she doesn’t want to give me the satisfaction of a haircut.
KRS-One MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know. Yes.
Sullee gets trimmed up and talks shit, then spits with his cape on. Barber is midly impressed, Sullee is sullen. Persia continues being the white Lady of Rage, she gets called a legend for it. Jus Rhyme spits something nice but still looks mad retarded doing it. But Sullee don’t like it cause the barbershop felt it. C’mon Sullee, you acting shook!
Back at the house, G-Child is of course feeling fine. She and 100 Proof discuss rancid hairstyles. Oh, more mayo. Serch tells them they need to get that bread or be toast. Cryptic.
More KRS! Shit, it’s done. Serch shows up with a loaf of bread with Prince Paul in tow. Winners get the chairs and losers have to get a piece of white bread, bread which has a topic written on it that they must write a rhyme about.
Paul Wall Jr. gets “white guilt.” Ouch.
Sullee gets “white power.” Hahhaha, he NEEDS to do a Clayton Bixby rhyme.
100 Proof gets “white wash.”
G-Child gets “white trash.” Oh my god. You just can’t write comedy like that.
The losers go to write and Jus Rhyme points out to Persia that G-Child has the perfect topic, she agrees. I laugh. Sullee acts shook some more and says he’s vexed about his topic.
Rhyme time, G-Child goes first. She spits a decent rhyme with a pure amateur delivery, forgets her rhyme half way through and looks suicidal afterwards. 100 Proof is next, eeeeeh, no thanks. Sullee is up, ooooooh he lashes out at Serch for the topic and basically bitches about the concept of white power. Then he forgets his rhyme, but it ends up pretty nice with “where was white power when my family didn’t have money for a bagel?” Paul Wall Jr. keeps it really real and does in fact mention shining on 20 inch tires. Mention grills next!! No dice, but he finishes up nicely.
Prince Paul and Serch pontificate, and Serch gets in his necessary dig at Vanilla Ice (still hatin, good for you). Both are disappointed with Sullee, and rightfully so. Paul Wall Jr. gets the thumbs up. You know G-Child is getting the boot.
Down to Sullee and G, Serch asks why they belong. Sullee mans up and says he fucked up but he’s hungry. G lies and says she thinks she can win. Serch plays like Sullee is ghost, but G-G-G-G-G Child gets the stepping, but keeps it classy. Then mentions Vanilla Ice and how he’d be proud. For being a loser? Indeed he would be. Her tiny sneakers get tossed and we’re out!
Epsiode was definitely top heavy with all the great stuff (Lord Jamar ripping into KOTB and Prince Paul doing the game show). Should be interesting to see who gets booted next week as the two most obvious are already gone.
Schooling young rappers on the history of Hip Hop and how to be an emcee is a great concept for a show, and they’ve done it very well. The problem is the white rapper gimmick, because not only did they pick certain people to make them look real corny, but you’d be sadly mistaken if you think young white rappers need any more schooling than young black rappers these days. Other than that, I’ll watch Grandmaster Caz host a trivia show anytime. On with the show…
*****
Ep 3 starts off with a bit of a recap, Persia talks about her fuck up and Sullee claims to now be the sexiest person in the house. He also says he is still trying to tap Misfit even though she is off the show. G-Child keeps going on about fucking Vanilla Ice, is he paying her for this?
Serch shows up with a couple legends in tow, Sadat X and Lord Jamar! Illy. Where is Puba? Apparently they’re here to school these cats on some aspects of emceeing. Serch says today’s challenge will involve going to a real studio.
Sadat X starts teaching while Jamar just stands there looking straight disgusted. I’m not the only one who notices. Finally he interrupts and demands to know why they are worthy of his jewels. This is gonna be good. Silence ensues.
G-Child says she deserves it basically because she keeps it real.
Jamar: “Somebody got a ghetto revival or some shit like that? Who is that?”
John Brown: “That’s me”
Jamar: “That’s you? What’s that mean?”
John Brown: “Ghetto revival is a company, we based in Brooklyn you know what I’m sayin…and we got experienced members of the street.” (The streets is giving out memberships now?)
Jamar: “Okay, whats that all about?”
Brown: “It’s a company, we got experienced members of the street”
Jamar: “I don’t care who ya got, what’s it about?”
Brown: “It’s about the revival”
Jamar: “The revival of what?”
Brown: “The ghetto”
Jamar: “Why would you wanna revive the ghetto? The ghetto is poverty and pain. Especially for black people.”
Brown: “We trying to revive it economically, spiritually, you know what I’m sayin? Infrastructure wise, its nothing but love my brother”
Jamar: “When I hear ghetto revival I’m thinking that y’all wanna bring ghetto shit back. Like y’all want niggas pissing in elevators and smoking crack and shit like that”
Brown: “Nah man. Hallelujah holla back. Hallelujah holla back. Hallelujah holla back."
Oh my fucking lord. That right there is the highlight of the show, they ain’t topping that shit. What a fucking retard. After that run in during ep. 1 with Persia (who musta been DYING hearing this), I was hoping one of these rappers was gonna put dude in his place.
A little more talk and X and Jamar bounce, Serch asks for their right sneakers so he can split them up into teams; team 1 is Jon Boy, Jus Rhyme, John Brown and Persia, team 2 is G-Child, 100 Proof, $hamrock and Sullee. Persia says her team is “lyrically trash,” Sullee says his team is no joke and a win should be easy. Serch says they are headed to the studio to work with Prince Paul, hotdamn!
But oooh snap, this ain’t no recording studio! It is a television studio complete with live studio (black) audience and host Prince Paul for the game show Affirmative Reaction. To test their knowledge of black culture in a family feud type format, Paul chooses to host wearing some African gear complete with black leather glove and spear. First question; top terms of endearment for black women? 100 Proof says “boo,” number 1 answer. G-Child doesn’t answer, nice work. Sullee says “ma,” negative…wtf? Even Paul doesn’t know how that misses. Paul Wall Jr. says “baby girl,” nope, 3 strikes. Other team says “shorty,” no dice…WTF? Remaining answers are “wifey,” “sista,” “queen” and “goddess.” When was the last time you heard a black man call a black woman a goddess? God bodies notwithstanding. Question 2; African American icons whose portraits are most seen in Black barbershops? Answers are MLK, Malcom, Ali (all guessed), 2Pac and Bill Clinton. They guessed Frederick Douglas, James Brown, Mandela, and Marcus Garvey as well. Question 3; stereotypes that blacks secretly believe are true? Sullee says “large penises” and the crowd goes wild, Paul says “that is true.” Classic stuff. Of course its number one and Paul tells Persia he knew she had that answer, dude is too funny. $hamrock gets yelled at for saying “never on time.” Sullee guesses police harassment, nope. Damn this show is rough, other team steals with, you guessed it, love chicken. Last question; word most used to describe OJ. Jon Boy says “innocent,” which is wrong and Baby Wall says “nutritious.” W-o-w. Wrong of course and they move to the next question; products most commonly advertised on Soul Train. Jus Rhyme’s team ends up winning with “food.” Losers win “white privilege” cologne but Paul reminds them “if you’re white, you’re all winners.” Pretty hilarious segment, mostly due to Prince Paul.
Back at the house and here comes Serch. And the winners get to go uptown and eat some southern grub and hang out with someone who is apparently really hot in every way; Juelz Santana. Hmmm, nope, wack, sorry. How you go from Brand Nubian on the show to Juelz?
Ouch, losers gotta do the winner’s laundry, this isn’t gonna go over well. Sure enough, Sullee is heated.“It went from very real and about spittin’ to very degrading about my knowledge of black stereotypes. I don’t use them, cause I know real black people. The rules were stupid, now I’m doing their fucking laundry, I don’t do my own fucking laundry.”
Wah wah. Well if you know so many black people then you should know what they call women and who hangs in their barbershops. Shit had nothing to do with stereotypes. I thought it was a great game, too many white kids wanna be rappers and a part of the culture and don’t know shit about the people who started it. This game had to be Serch’s idea.
John Brown is doing arts and crafts, or making his ghetto revival business cards out of cardboard. Same thing.
Laundry time, and no one knows what to do what to do except Paul Wall Jr. How y’all this old and don’t know how to do damn laundry? Time to get out ya mom’s house.
The winners are at a soul food joint with Juelz and his stupid ass bandana.
John Brown: “I’m bringing that official burbs stuff, suv’s and sat’s, clean streets, keg parties, who know what I’m talking ‘bout?”
Juelz: “I like it cause you know its real to you. It’s the burbs, it where you come from”
That is why I have so much respect for Lord Jamar and none for Juelz. What a fool.
Back to the laundermat, 100 Proof says he isn’t gonna win a Martha Stewart award. Exciting.
Back at the restaurant and Juelz starts with thug motivation 101, his advice; put everything into it if you wanna make it. Insightful. It was good stuff for the most part though, he earns a point from me.
Back at the house, G-Child struggles some more with realizing she’s wack. Perhaps she’ll realize she needs a new hair style soon too. The King of the Burbs plays ball, or chucks a ball at a backboard, whatever you want to call it.
They’ve got mayo: Serch tells them to go get haircuts!! Did he just read that or something? Does Serch have access to a time machine and is structuring the show around my recaps??? While I work under that assumption, let’s all hope G-Child gets a haircut. And uh Serch, why’d you tell them to get their wigs pushed back? Forget what that means?
WTF? G-Child is faking sick to keep from going to the barbers!! Persia suspects she wants time to write, I suspect she doesn’t want to give me the satisfaction of a haircut.
KRS-One MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know. Yes.
Sullee gets trimmed up and talks shit, then spits with his cape on. Barber is midly impressed, Sullee is sullen. Persia continues being the white Lady of Rage, she gets called a legend for it. Jus Rhyme spits something nice but still looks mad retarded doing it. But Sullee don’t like it cause the barbershop felt it. C’mon Sullee, you acting shook!
Back at the house, G-Child is of course feeling fine. She and 100 Proof discuss rancid hairstyles. Oh, more mayo. Serch tells them they need to get that bread or be toast. Cryptic.
More KRS! Shit, it’s done. Serch shows up with a loaf of bread with Prince Paul in tow. Winners get the chairs and losers have to get a piece of white bread, bread which has a topic written on it that they must write a rhyme about.
Paul Wall Jr. gets “white guilt.” Ouch.
Sullee gets “white power.” Hahhaha, he NEEDS to do a Clayton Bixby rhyme.
100 Proof gets “white wash.”
G-Child gets “white trash.” Oh my god. You just can’t write comedy like that.
The losers go to write and Jus Rhyme points out to Persia that G-Child has the perfect topic, she agrees. I laugh. Sullee acts shook some more and says he’s vexed about his topic.
Rhyme time, G-Child goes first. She spits a decent rhyme with a pure amateur delivery, forgets her rhyme half way through and looks suicidal afterwards. 100 Proof is next, eeeeeh, no thanks. Sullee is up, ooooooh he lashes out at Serch for the topic and basically bitches about the concept of white power. Then he forgets his rhyme, but it ends up pretty nice with “where was white power when my family didn’t have money for a bagel?” Paul Wall Jr. keeps it really real and does in fact mention shining on 20 inch tires. Mention grills next!! No dice, but he finishes up nicely.
Prince Paul and Serch pontificate, and Serch gets in his necessary dig at Vanilla Ice (still hatin, good for you). Both are disappointed with Sullee, and rightfully so. Paul Wall Jr. gets the thumbs up. You know G-Child is getting the boot.
Down to Sullee and G, Serch asks why they belong. Sullee mans up and says he fucked up but he’s hungry. G lies and says she thinks she can win. Serch plays like Sullee is ghost, but G-G-G-G-G Child gets the stepping, but keeps it classy. Then mentions Vanilla Ice and how he’d be proud. For being a loser? Indeed he would be. Her tiny sneakers get tossed and we’re out!
Epsiode was definitely top heavy with all the great stuff (Lord Jamar ripping into KOTB and Prince Paul doing the game show). Should be interesting to see who gets booted next week as the two most obvious are already gone.
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