The DX-Files…. News & Opinion That Don’t Maean S**T!!!

posted July 06, 2003 12:00:00 AM CDT | 0 comments

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed By Steven Mann are not necessarily those of the balanced, hardworking, and well adjusted people at Although we may not endorse the views and opinions of Steven, we still think its funny shit!

Girls Going... Going... Gone? Big Snoop Dogg recently revealed that he's finished with the 'Girls Gone Wild franchise and will be releasing his own line, that involves more 'Ethnic' women. "If you notice, there hasn't been no girls of (ethnicity) at all on none of those tapes," Snoop told the Associated Press. "No black girls, no Spanish girls - all white girls, white girls ain't the only hoes that get wild." In a related story the White Hoes are suing Snoop and The Ethnic Hoes, under The White Hoe Fair Labor Standards Act. See section: 1a) Where it clearly states that "White Hoes are not to be denied being and or acting or even perhaps becoming a Hoe in any VHS or DVD format. (For a broader definition of a Hoe: Please reference Christina Agularia under the 'Skank Ass Exposure & Employment Act') Furthermore, The White Hoes will not be denied permission to partake in any behavior on camera or in the above mentioned format that is deemed 'Wild', 'Slutty' and or 'Sleazy'. (Please See section 2c: Mardi Gras/Boobs For Beads Act).

I Laughed I cried it was better than CCCCCats! After Eminem earned a crazy $116 million at the box office, and sold like 6 million copies of the soundtrack, plus an Oscar for Lose Yourself, 50 Cent has also decided to make a movie based on his life. Still in the early stages, the tale of the Jamaica Queens rapper will be drastically different, as he's lived through shootings and spent time dealing crack. To make it as authentic as possible, the film is being developed by Terry Winter (Who is a writer for 'The Sopranos'). While 50 will play himself, Frankie Muniz ('Malcolm in the Middle') seems to be the early fave to play Em. Other cast ideas have included.. Justin Guarini (From Justin to Kelly), and Kelly Clarkson (From Justin to Kelly) to play 50's parents, while Judge Judy Sheindlin, Kim Bassinger and Rupaul have all read for 50's Grandma. Sherman Hemsley seems to have the role of Dre locked D!

Queen Latifah has gone under the knife for breast reduction surgery, according to published reports. The rapper/actress flaunted her double-D breasts for the last time at the Academy Awards. In addition The Queen has also dropped about 40 pounds by working out with a personal trainer. And In a related health story, Kelly Rowland has hit the Gym hardcore and has targeted her Original Birth Weight as her goal. Good luck Kelly... And Remember... Stay Hungry

Can I get a Witness? Eminem gave one lucky fan the shock of her life last week when he removed his necklace, allegedly worth $450,000, and gave it to her. Lifting the chain and pendant above his head he added, "I'm not fronting, but this cost me $450,000." Eminem then bent over and gave the piece of jewellery to her. One onlooker said, "She looked so astonished! She almost fainted and barfed in disbelief but her friends held her up." sounding a little bitter He also added, "Damn, I went to a Lil Kim concert last fall, and all I got was this lousy Chlamydia!" And in an Ironic Twist: The alleged $450,000 necklace was only worth 200 dollars!!! (And the crowd goes awwww)

Just a Bit More Shady... This past week in Scotland, from the balcony of his hotel room, Slim was shown dangling a doll, complete with surgical mask, up and down over the balcony. And in a related story... Call it a Classic Battle Of One-Upmanship, but Michael Jackson was also seen in the same Hotel dangling 'Tito', complete with surgical mask up and down over the very same balcony. Round 2 anyone?

I don't know about you but ever since Bow Wow dropped the 'Lil' from his name I feel I have a renewed sense of purpose, As if life finally has meaning! I'm sleeping better, I'm bathing again, and I've had 4 consecutive 'Good Hair' Days... Fluke? I think not!

What Chu Talk'n Bout!!! Vanilla Ice was recently quoted in Chart magazine saying he'd like to follow up his celebrity boxing match with Todd Bridges with a bout against Eminem. "Uh, I wish I could," he admitted "I have been trying, I wanted to fight him... I mean that would be huge ratings wouldn't it? I'd just do it for the hell of it cause I'm crazy like that" Vanilla went on to say if Em didn't agree to the fight, he'd focus his next bout on Kicking The Living Shit Outta Conrad Bain, Garry Coleman, and Mrs. Garrett. I see this one going the distance. Ding Ding!
Chuck D and Flavor Flav, Busta Rhymes, MC Lyte, and Phife from A Tribe Called Quest have teamed up under the name the 'Spitballers' to record a sports anthem called "Let's Get Loud (Everybody Get Up)," which will debut as the opening song for the ESPY Awards. And in other Sports/Music news, Jose Canseco and Mike Tyson, have decided to hit the studio and record an anthem as well.. Tenitivly titled "I' ma Kick Yo Ass" (also available in braile and lisp-version) The song will debut in the near future with all proceeds going to the I'ma Kick Yo Ass Endowment fund, and the Underachievers and Overbearing Idiots Society' Please give...
After seeing a few pictures on line, I can't help but wonder if new Female MC 24k is really Alicia Keys with a Mic and a Ring Name? And Speaking on Alicia, word is that Kanye West will be lacing up a few tracks on her upcoming LP

Dennis Rodman is looking for a slice of the intelligence pie as he's appearing in a new ad campaign for the Trivial Pursuit game. "I've accomplished many great things on the basketball court,' he says, "But it figures that my appearance in a wedding dress would be the thing that got me immortalized by Trivial Pursuit Look for the 'Idiots and Cross Dressers' Edition to hit stores soon.

And Finally Emmy Award winning actor Ving Rhames will narrate a new documentary film called "Beef" that chronicles various rap battles and rivalries throughout the history of hip-hop. Sounds Hot! And in other Film news Ja Rule is slated to star in a new documentary film called "Chicken", that chronicles the various battles and rivalries that exist amongst 'Poultry'...

Steven Mann...
(Remember this whole world is against me... please note the toll free number that appears under my life and give generously.)

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