The DX Files...News & Opinion That Mean Sh*t!
Did anyone see the VH-1 Diva's Special? A few quickies...Chakah Kahn...She sounded great, but unfortunately she looked more like a rented prop from the Lion King. When she was being interviewed I was anxiously waiting for her chest to start giving shout-outs.... Was is me or did it look like her breast's were actually going to eat her. Whitney Houston.... Ok where do I start. 'World Vision Whitney' claiming to be 5 or 6 months pregnant, still looks like she's missed lunch since 1986... She's a javelin with hair!
More Whitney...Whitney Houston and her idiot sidekick husband have officially embarked on a "spiritual retreat" to Israel, according to her director of publicity. It's the couple's first trip to the Holy Land. When getting off the plane Bobby was overheard yelling "Where Ma Bagels At!" The high-profile couple also met with Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon... Where Bobby and the Prime minister discussed at length the road to peace... Jewish/Palestinian relations...and different ways to build a crack pipe out of Matzo.
Bounce, Bounce, Bounce, Bounce R. Kelly recently appeared in court in Chicago to ask permission to leave the jurisdiction for a number of trips planned in mid-to-late June. Destinations include, New York, Los Angeles and Dallas. Kelly hopes to be able to shoot a video, attend the BET Awards in L.A... And participate as guest editor and keynote speaker for July's issue of 'Seventeen'. As luck would have it I found a rough draft of his Editorial that may appear in that very issue, and I stress that this may not be the final copy... "Hey Girls!!! Welcome to Seventeen... I'm your guest editor R-Kelly. Even though I was seventeen, well... kind of a long time ago (long enough that I'm not telling how long ago! I am giggling! I am funny!), my inner seventeen year old is dieing to get out...she's the wild-child optimist in me that I hope I'll never let go of completely...I remember fondly that being seventeen had such a unique charm and magic. The changes I was going through sure they were difficult, but at the same time, they were often pretty darn exciting. So I say to you girls 'Gimmie That Toot Toot..... Gimme That Beep Beep!' I hope you all enjoy this issue of Seventeen... I know I will. Please pay special attention to the mail out section...make sure to include your home phone number and times you may ever be in the greater Chicago Area... oh P.S I'm equipped for Beta. Signed... R Kelly."
R&B singer Nivea and her fiance, Cash Money's Lil Wayne are scheduled to be married next March. The best news about this is that they have decided to take Baby's advice and have their vows tattooed on their faces...good call!
Who Shot Cha! According to Daily Variety, Sylvester Stallone is slated to write, direct and star in a film about the unsolved deaths of Biggie & Tupac. Stallone's project "Rampart Scandal," centres in on the massive internal investigation of the LAPD that some say links off-duty officers directly to the murders of Christopher Wallace and Tupac. Stallone will play LAPD detective Russell Poole who was the key in uncovering the corruption in LAPD's rampart division, while Talia Shire, plays Biggie, and Burt Young returns as Tupac.... A must see!
Please Return your Tray's to an Upright Position Bee-otch! Snoop Dogg is re-making the classic comedy 'Airplane'. The film is called 'Soul Plane' and is set to go into production in late June. Snoop plays a pilot, and Method Man will portray the airline owner's best friend. Cant wait for the press releases. I can hear Ebert that fat bastard saying "I loved him in Girls gone wild" "I was Moved by Murder was the case And I was touched by the entire Hustler Dog Style trilogy". This Film touched me fo rizz-ule and I give this shit two thumbs up Ho!... "Gene Shallot of the Today show says... " It was like an updated Sound of Music without the sound... and without the music"... and lastly Rex Reed from the New York Observer says I loved this picture, I havent had this much fun since I tried to wear my own sphincter as a hoodie!
Macy Gray is developing a new cartoon for Warner Bros. Animation based on her childhood in Canton, Ohio, called "A Pretty Good Life." Ever notice that nobody really has any beef with Macey? Is it because her music and attitude don't warrant it, or is it that she's really Larry Holmes with Breast's... something to think about.
If ya haven't heard the new Jay-Z joint S. Carter Collection joint, you sleeping kid! Peep the Track Blunts and Armandale... Jay over Dre... Crazy Hot!!!!
You must be kidding... Hiphopsite.com recently reported that Royce Da 59 is currently in talks with Murder Inc. Sources say one of the sticking points of the deal is Royce's reluctance to perform under the new stage name Ja-shanti... stay tuned.
Holy Shit! Joseph 'Afro man' Foreman, who found worldwide success with his anthem 'Because I Got High', has given his life to God. His new found faith has him at odds with his current label, Universal Records, who oppose the suggested first single entitled 'The Lord gots the Good shit' and the B-side "Father I have Resin". Foremans first LP The Good Times, was a gold selling album in the U.S. & Platinum overseas.
And finallyThe doctor who treated rapper 50 Cent for bullet wounds three years ago says the hip-hop star didn't pay him for his medical care. Dr. Nader Paksima filed papers in State Supreme Court suing the 27-year-old rapper, whose legal name is Curtis Jackson, for more than $32,000 in unpaid medical bills. And in other related news... The Alleged Shooter who shot 50 nine times, is also launching a law suit against the rapper for "Failure to return the bullets that I shot into your body" Both parties were unavailable for comment.
(Remember this whole world is against me... please note the toll free number that appears under my life and give generously.)