Dear J-Zone, I’ve been dating a girl for a few weeks and I really like her. Its her birthday soon and I’m not sure what to get her. Any ideas?

A corner to work. Haha, nah I'm jokin, you don't want her to leave your ass if you really like her. For real, get her something that you really want. Fuck it, it's the thought that counts. Y'all only been dating a few weeks, this is the perfect time to make small mistakes that you can use to your benefit. After a year, you can't get away with shit like that, that's when you gotta  buy all that meaningful shit.

 
Dear J-Zone, I think a girl I’m hitting is a few years shy of…you know, being legal like she claims to be. But the head is crazy…should I keep on it?

Yeah man! Real good dome is like a likeable Duke basketball player. It comes along every five years. But in all seriousness, leave that shit alone unless you ready to have a roommate named Big Bruce. No statchies for the Zone! But if you live in Europe, then yeah, go and get ya knob buffed. I think 16 is legal over there.

 
Dear J-Zone, how do I become a boss hog barbarian?

Buy the album and $end me the receipt as proof of purchase and I will induct you into Hog Heaven.

 
Dear J-Zone, I’m dead broke man, but dammit I wanna ball. How can I be a baller on a budget?

Be cheap. Modell's got some nice sneakers for under $50. If u got a ride, buy 87 gas, fuck that 93 shit, its all the same. Never, and I mean NEVER pay for dates. Gotta aim high with the ladies, they gotta have jobs. Don't buy no fuckin drinks either. When you go to the club keep a flask of liquor in ya pocket like my man Poison Pen, or keep a thermos fulla liquor in the car. Get bent before you go in the club, then just order ice water and say its gin & tonic on the rocks. Fuck bein cool holdin a drink. I learned to clip coupons from my grandmoms and that shit helps. I saved like $75 last year from coupons (including Subway clips). Just cut corners man, fuck that. Go get free samples from the food stores, just go in there and jack food. I do that all day from store to store til I'm full, fuck buyin lunch. I always eat at home except for when I'm jackin the food samples.  I would say get back on dial up internet cause this Road Runner is eatin up my doe, but that dial up shit is just too slow. If u got a lotta spare time, then do that shit. Times is hard, save ya doe...and spend it on the wonderful gift of music! (Hint) Continued on page 2 »