Before we get into another edition of “What You Didn’t See…,” the Bad Guys have a question to ask all of our readers.

Have you ever been to a zoo filled with humans and completely devoid of cages? How about a three ring circus of niggatry? If, for some reason, you say yes. Then you will be called a liar because the greatest show on earth was called the 2008 Ozone Awards/TJs DJs Conference in Houston Texas the weekend before last, and “the shit was bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S)!” Now before you say that the term “zoo” means something bad, let me explain what a zoo is. As many of you know, a zoo can be a fun place to be. You get to see animals that you probably wouldn’t see doing uncivilized things anywhere else. Some of these animals don’t function well with others while some can be a complete blast to be around. There are also a few animals that can be quite dangerous when wandering amongst the common folk. But there’s some others that you just want to pet and feed.

*Disclaimer: By now way are we saying that all Hip Hop events are filled with animals. It’s just a helluva theme to run with that makes perfect sense on what the weekend consisted of. And if you don’t like zoo’s then F*ck You!*

We’re also going to keep a tally of these things:

Fights, Cops, Southern Hospitality, Failed Missions and Vanglorious Missions

Without further adieu, the Bad Guys present to you:

What You Didn’t See At The Ozone Awards Day 1 & 2

Landing in Texas at noon, the Bad Guys made their way to the Hilton Americas to capture the first glimpse of how the weekend may play out. With the hotel employees looking on in disbelief at all the grills, chains and big rumpshakers floundering about, it was immediately perceived that they had no idea what they had just gotten themselves into. After checking in, DX joined the good fellas from Swurv Radio (shout out to Osiris & Ben) for a jaunt across the city to the private Belvedere & Moet pool party at Mosaic.

Failed mission: wrong damn Mosaic [FAILED MISSION +1].

Finding out there are two Mosaics sucked, but to lighten the mood we took a detour through the Houston to see what it was like in the place where artists like Bun B [click to read] and Mike Jones call home. We got our first glimpse of southern hospitality immediately.

If you are trying to be as straight to the point as possible with your business and as stereotypical in your approach as you can; What would you name your chicken establishment?

That’s right! Fried-fucking-chicken. That’s it. No Kentucky Fried Chicken. No Good Fried Chicken. Not even Big Mama’s Fried Chicken. Just fried chicken. And it was right down the street from Jamican Me Hungry. No bullshit. If you don’t get it, stop reading and join your child in kindergarten.

Houston Zoo! Shame on you!
[SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY +1]

After having failed mission #2 in our pocket while venturing to the second Mosaic only to find they didn’t know what the hell we were talking about [FAILED MISSION -2], we decided to make our way to Dave & Buster’s for Bun B’s pool tournament and Nelly’s Celebowl bowling event. This is when the zoo was officially in full swing. Free food, women and every southern artists cooling out like a family reunion proved that this would be a special weekend. Slapping 5s with some other industry heads kept everything cool as Nelly, Chamillionaire, Killer Mike, Bun B, Slim Thug and others got their game on inside of Dave & Buster’s. But enough of the swordsmen.

When you have specimens such as this…

You must agree that God is blessing only a few of you out there [VANGLORIOUS MISSIONS +1].
Speaking of God…

What better place to save the heathens if you are one of those Jesus freaks? That’s right! If blackness means trouble than Dave & Buster’s was the black hole on this night. You could almost sense that a few calls were made for more security as soon as the sagging jeans, big jewelry and grills filled up the venue. And it was honestly pretty offensive to see some young children of God try to save our souls while there’s a whole country of people that need Jesus. Debating these self proclaimed “messengers” was bad enough, but then the boys in blue (what we will call the “zookeepers”) flooded the area and proceeded to shut shit down a half hour before it was to be officially over with [Cops -1].

Everybody at Dave & Buster’s was peaceful but Hip Hop continues to carry the “WE ARE TROUBLE” label wherever we go. Good thing we haven’t seen a fight yet or a situation like last year…yet.

BAR RIO

After photographing the zookeepers, the Bad Guys hit Bar Rio for the official Welcome To Houston Party. Lots of liquor, more women and more southern music. It was actually all good until we heard over the speakers, “Move Dem Buttcheeks!”

Wait a tick…I must be buggin'. That cannot be the song from The Boondocks, can it? Then I remembered being handed a flyer from the TMI Boyz about their new single. Continued on page 2 »