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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Memphis Bleek: Hoe, Sit Down Edition

“I was already hot.” – Memphis Bleek on the Jay-Z/Nas debacle
“I ain’t know you get hated on for fucking with the bitches… That’s called ‘branding yourself,’ making your name into a brand.” – Memphis Bleek on his suspect-ass Garnier advertisement.

By the time you read this, I’ll likely be still sleeping off the aftereffects of the free booze I consumed at this nice ditty thrown together by the good folks at Crooks & Castles and VIMBY. Surprisingly, despite my light-headed state of mind right now I’m still able to talk my shit for the next 500 or some-odd words. Blame my overall bad week – which involved the car I barely drive getting broken into, my love-hate relationship with a close friend currently on hate status and the vodka-fake ass Red Bull concoction coursing through my bloodstream that has me wanting to go to sleep and lift weights at the same time – for this one right here.

Anyways, I attended this party last night up in Hollywood, something I don’t normally do because while I’m in a profession that involves being around a whole bunch of faceless, mostly no-talent schmucks trying to schmooze their way into some t.I.’s pocket under the guise of “networking,” I don't like having to be around that atmosphere yet sometimes have to because of my various side hustles. On the plus side, thanks to the side hustles blowing up, I’ve been treated like a semi-celebrity at these shits.

Free entrance, V.I.P. access and firewater for the win?

Anyways, I’ll be dead-ass honest: I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many dime pieces dressed in some of the tightest of wears since like… ever. Like damn, it makes me wanna leave my crib more often if I could just see that all day. But alongside the eye candy, the event featured Clinton Sparks and The Alchemist killing it on the boards spinning essentially any random playlist in my iPod, some random-ass group called LMFAO (I’m dead-ass serious) trying their best worst Sa-Ra interpretation and – you guessed it – Memphis Bleek.

Now, I’m all for doing what you have to do to make ends meet. Hell, I’ve worked at a Pizza Hut, Macy’s, a home office, Waste Management and I sold cutlery door-to-door at given points in my life. But when your whole life is based on failing to live up to your potential – despite having one of the best emcees/businessmen in the game as a mentor, and given plenty of chances to do so – yet still being so adamant and egotistical as if every move you’ve made produced platinum results, something just isn’t right.

I know I wasn’t thinking my shit didn’t stink when I was trying to push off knife sets to my neighbors. Yet Bleek is doing the rap equivalent of that shit and thinks he’s accomplished something in life. Something definitely ain’t right with that one.

Listen, it’s not in my nature to hate, contrary to how I’ve come off on this section for the past year and change. Instead, I’d rather just pull someone’s hoe card, because it’s much more fun to do so. I will hand it to the general public for realizing what a slore this guy has been his entire life. At the same time they can’t see the fallacy that is bumbling secret spy Rick Ross, a/k/a Agent 86?

Word to Lesane, hoes these days is way too motherfuckin’ intelligent.

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