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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Who Really Cares If Rick Ross Was A Cop Or Not?

You know what I can’t stand besides cops, people you can’t depend on for shit and my peoples’ cultural fascination with pork? Liars. I’ve always felt that liars are pretty much responsible for all that’s wrong with the world. Think about it: Adolf Hitler (I know) lied to Lord knows how many peoples talking about how his race was superior because they had blonde hair and blue eyes or some shit (I may be off with that one), despite the fact that he had neither blonde hair or blue eyes mind you, and convinced an entire nation to literally ether the shit out of Jewish clans across their continent.

I only mention the Jewish because it’d be too much to write about what exactly the fluck YTs did to Native Americans, and we already know what they did to Blacks. In our defense, however, we’re taking back what’s ours piece by piece by unleashing the genetic offspring of super-slaves that cracka-ass crackas originally bred for the purpose of picking cotton, paving roads and other acts of hard labor at a ridiculous rate onto the sports world. Why else you think that besides Ed McCaffrey you don’t see really any prominent White wide receivers anymore?

Anyways, I’m obviously in a bit of a conundrum here because I’m engrossed in a culture that was basically built on lies: hip-hop. None of these rappers will really kill you, yet they talk all kinds of wild violent jibba jabba. In particular, none of the successful ones still sell crack when they’re eating off of platinum plates. Even Fat Joe. Nah, the reason nobody really cares is because a: most of them sound halfway decent when rapping about nothing and b: not to many of them have been caught up in their bullshit Vanilla Ice-style. I mean shit, Lil Wayne got exposed shoving his tongue down his surrogate father, but rather than deny it he instead rapped about shoving his tongue down his surrogate father and ended up going bonkers platinum for it.

Say what you will (I know I have!), but the man is a good spin artist.

Rick Ross on the other hand? Not so much. And it’s not so much the fact that he actually was a correctional officer in a past life, because I’m sure most of us have had to work a job we weren’t particularly proud of, but it kept the cell phone on.

To this day, I still won’t go anywhere near a Pizza Hut, and neither should you considering all the shit I saw and did while employed there. What’s even more shocking is the fact that the Pizza Hut I worked at was consistently in the top ten of my region. But I’m straying far from the point.

No, it’s not because Rick Ross was in charge of making sure 300 or so ex-cons were properly washing behind their ears in the same shower when he got out of high school, nor is it the fact that he was 19 when he graduated high school (*Eli Porter stare*). It’s the fact that home slice so adamantly denied doing such a thing to begin with. And now that he finally fessed up to it? He looks like an even bigger idiot than when he removes his sunglasses and you can see his Sticky Fingaz-esque tangle eye.

And this is the guy his fans adore like freshly washed sheets with Snuggle fabric softener?

No wonder why rap stinks to high Hell right now.

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