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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

The Nerve Of Those Tall Israelis

To be honest, sometimes t.Is will get things right every now and then. Granted they’ve all but usurped all power and creativity out of hip-hop and twisted it into their own sick image, probably because Black people kept beating them in the very sports they created, but they’ve successfully been able to crank out a few good ideas once in a while. I mean, they were able to take a financial chance on this loud, foul-mouthed culture known as hip-hop and expand it into a global phenomenon.

Take B.E.T. for example. True, a Black man started the channel, but who do you think he got the loan approval from? That’s the thing about a t.I: they know a moneymaker when then see it. And when Bob Johnson sold off his pet project back to the t.Is, they were more than happy to oblige.

They even managed to turn VH1 – a music channel that used to cater to baby boomers and former disco cokeheads – and turned it into… um, whatever it is now. And although they’ve mercifully pulled the switch on Rap City, they still feature programming and events that pander to hip-hop, even if they are stupid as shit.

Every October the t.Is at the channel throw their annual Hip-Hop Week, which culminates in the Hip-Hop Honors show. While the show itself has become trash – as if a Hip-Hop Honors plaque means something! – the programming prior to the event is surprising decent, even though it was made up by a crew of people who probably couldn’t tell you the difference between Scott La Rock from Scott Hall, yet can recite Yentl word for word. That Reasonable Doubt documentary was pretty dope, and their upcoming doc on N.W.A. this Friday looks promising also.

However, you can’t help but get the feeling that they just can’t get shit right no matter how hard they try. Case in point would be their “best hip-hop site” voting area, where nominees include muh’fucking Bossip and Concrete Loop of all things, and their current television series of the 100 greatest hip-hop songs of all time. Although I was too busy watching Heroes to catch their opening 20, I watched their 80-61 countdown last night where, smack dab ahead of songs like “You Gots To Chill,” “I Used To Love H.E.R.” and some other shits I can’t remember, was TI’s “What You Know.”

Word?

Now, I can understand them putting it ahead of Common and EPMD off the strength of Clifford’s rap moniker sharing the same letters as their designation, but I just don’t get how the song would even make the list in the first place. I don’t think it’s done anything noteworthy to hip-hop outside of landing on at number three of the Billboard charts, and it hasn’t done anything to shape the soundscape of hip-hop period; it was just a really popular song two years ago [1].

If anything, I’ll give props to TI for turning into the Southern version of Fiddy and Ja Ruling the fuck out of Lil Flip’s career, but that’s where it stops. As for the t.Is’ latest misstep? I would feign shock and awe, but sadly I’m too used to this kind of fuckery now.

[1] I’m sure some of youse yokels are gonna say some shit about me hating Southern rap and all kinds of dumbass jibba jabba, but that isn’t even the case this time around.

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