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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

The World Is Filled… Take Two

You know what I have a deep disdain for? People who fuck shit up for the rest of us. You know what I mean: the infamous ni**a moment. I get easily agitated whenever a few bad apples go out their way to irrevocably spoil things for the entire patch.

A perfect example would be how Chris “Don’t Call Me Lova Lova” Bridges attempted to show his support for Barack Obama last week, only for those other ni**as over at Fox to jump on his juggles, claiming malarkey, shenanigans, B.B. bridges, whatever, on his lofty proclamations. Luckily nobody tried getting some military-issue blammers in a van parked in a strip mall parking lot, across the street from the awards show they’re supposed to be performing at.

Speaking of dunce capping and kazooing-influenced behavior, isn’t the Ozone Awards coming up soon? With all that gaudy jewelry, lowbrow groupies and weed carriers running wild, that place is like a ni**a moment waiting to happen. Somebody better hit up Constable Ross and request to bring some backup.

If anything I can breathe a sight of relief knowing that such random acts of fuckery are only limited to various YouTube videos, mixtape raps and back-and-forths that never venture outside of said videos and mixtapes. But in the case of Maino and that apl. de. ap. looking fellow from Kidz In The Hall some are actually getting the cajones to try something nowadays, only to look foolish in the end.

Maybe some of them need more mouth love in the strangest places…

Real talk, I’ve been thinking of taking a cue from Shawn Carter’s and actually starting a board (of course on the Internets, though there’s already one I’m a part of) designed to alleviate, if not eliminate, such tomfoolery. If you ask me (and why wouldn’t you, you’re here reading this bullshit right?) the first thing that’d need to go is the ready access to a Handicam and DSL connection for most of these rappers; that shit is like unleashing a child in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory (no Robert Sylvester). It’s bad enough anybody with a second-grade intellect that can rhyme “trees” with “cheese” auto-thinks they’re a legitimate rapper worthy of a Koch deal. It’s not they could do much over at that label anyways; Sheek’s been the employee of the month there for years now. At the very least, maybe they can land a Garnier commercial. Bleek should definitely get some sort of plaque for creating his own lane of losing for that one. I wouldn’t lie; if shilling shampoo products got me one step closer to HNIC status I’d likely be diddybopping to a Lever 2000 radio promo, even though that shit makes me break out in hives.

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