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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

A Rapper’s Mixtape > A Rapper’s Album

Not to say that I’m in cahoots with duke – seeing as how I wrote what I now refer to as the tipping point of this blog section a year ago – but I’ve found that no matter what you say, any kind of reference to Lil Wayne in written form will usually result in any wild random number of comments ranging from slovenly quips about his lack of lyrical prowess to people proclaiming him as the second coming of Black Jesus (no, seriously), either of which is pretty disturbing; given the current rise in unemployment, one could say that it could be attributed to the idiocy of the American peoples alongside a rapidly deteriorating economy.

But if there was one thing where both the dissenters and plaudits actually have some kind of agreement on, it’s for the fact that his latest album didn’t quite match the lofty expectations he’s built up since the last album, regardless of album sales. On a semi-unrelated note, I honestly think that if you cannot secure an illegal copy of an album these days, you must either don’t understand how to open a .rar file or have a lot of disposable income to burn. My money’s on the former, and don’t give me that “I downloaded it but I’m still gonna buy it” shit; nobody’s that dumb enough to believe a person is going to buy a retail copy of the same exact album he or she snatched off the Internets for free, and if they are I need their email address so I can ask to send me their bank account number so I can wire my late uncle’s oil fortune into it so that the Nigerian Feds can’t get any.

Anyways, despite the fact that most of them can – to quote the great poet Beanie Sigel – eat a dick with AIDS on the tip, there have been some great mixtapes released by actual DJs and not Internets Ninjas. The sad thing is, however, when the rapper’s own mixtape ends up being better than the actual album. Understandably, whereas on a mixtape said rap act is free to loot whatever instrumental they so desire since outside of fagtastic cover art [1] there’s no real budget for them, it’s that same factor which masks the rapper’s shitty techniques, which is eventually exposed on their long player. A perfect example would be Jadakiss, who – despite dropping one of my favorite mixtapes ever – ended up releasing that God(dess) awful follow-up to Kiss The Buzz Goodbye. Even with all that talent, duke still couldn’t make a good album? No wonder you were on Hot 97 a few years ago threatening to drop a Maytag off of Empire State and onto Puffy’s skullcap if you didn’t get your publishing back.

If I ever had the fortune of landing a seat at the Tall Israeli House Of Overlords (though I’m pretty sure my conscience would prevent me from actually doing so), I’d simply have it so that the artist’s mixtape would be their actual release. Not only could I guarantee platinum sales each and every time, but I’m sure that, at the very least, for the right price I could make your shit tighter. Word to Ketchums.

[1] Shake, if you ever start doing these shits, I will stop you. Immediately.

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