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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

For Once, I Agree With Lil Wayne

Despite the plethora of non-sequiturs I’ve lobbed here and there about the guy during my time here, at the end of the day I’ll begrudgingly admit I have some respect for Lil Wayne in the sense that, dubious uses of free time aside, duke seems capable of saying the most obnoxiously absurd shit and is still able to remain a focal point of music today. I think a part of this is thanks to a combination of slow, uninspiring news (because things like the conflict in Darfur are nowhere near as important as, say, Killa Priest contributing to the fall of the Wu by selling a laughable 840 copies of his latest hash tray), young-minded yentas like the ones who flooded the c-section erroneously proclaiming Nazz as a savior of all things rap last week (he’s not and never will be) and the fact he’s always doing something that makes it impossible to not be in the “news” but hey, he’s the reason I’m talking about him right now.

Despite the fact that he’s obviously trying to sucker me into saying some ignorant, stereotypically quasi-homosexual remark about getting fellated and not being able to have a romantic explosion by them – which I will not because that actually has nothing to do with the point of this rant – I will say that for once I actually side with Dwayne when it comes to his convictions on status of current mixtape DJ: fuck ‘em all.

With the exception of DX’s own Legend and Slimm, of course.

There was once a time where mixtape DJs essentially dominated and directed what us listeners should listen to, and for the most part they were on point. Had it not been for the likes of Mister Cee providing the sounds of one Chris Wallace, we may not have ever had a chance to be exposed to the unbridled greatness of The Notorious B.I.G. In that sense however, Puff would not have unleashed the likes of Fuzzbubble, Dy-lan, B5 and that one blonde chick from Danity Kane who looks like her middle passage resembles a compost heap. But you win some and you lose some, I suppose.

Now I can’t even take a shit without my inbox being flooded with some yenta’s mixtape. I mean, getting somebody’s shitty mixtape > receiving death threats via Yahoo! because I pissed a reader off when I made fun of their culture, but I digress. Plus, there are some mixtapes that I’ve actually enjoyed; I’m just too big a dwyck to mention which ones that doesn’t have the words “we got it for cheap” in them, so don’t ask.

Next to MySpace rappers, slores and random acts of YouTube fuckery, mixtapes are about as valuable as the State’s dollar in London. Not to say that I’m complimenting our snaggletoothed brothers overseas, mind you; I just find the likes of the Notorious BUM more interesting than a Zshare link from DJ Ass Milk. Then again, you’re talking to a person who barely gives a shit about anything outside of women, sneakers, my family and chicken. So perhaps I don’t quite fit that target demographic at all then.

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