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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Swagger: What A Load Of Shit

Before I start off I must let it be known that while it’s derived from a line from his post yesterday, this is not a shot at my Long Beach blogging brother from another mother Brillyance [1]. Lord knows if we had beef, he may end up whooping my ass in a scrap, then I’d have to get some of my Igbo hooligan relatives to get the drop on him when he’s coming home from a Somobe show, and things would just progressively get worse.

But after reading about the conversation he had with his coworker, one particular line stood out to me the most, albeit in a grating way:

“Common is cool, I mean, when I listen to his lyrics, he's good, but Kanye is better. I mean his swag...”

While Brills suggested that today’s intelligence level in hip-hop may be between a turnip and a cinder block, I’m going to take it a step further and imply that this newfound sense of “swagger” has thinly masked the lack of intelligence in the first place, so much so that now most people can’t tell the difference anymore.

If there was one thing I learned in my two years in junior college it’s that while some people could pull the baddest bidges off the strength of their baby hair, the rest of us had to rely on good old-fashioned speaking and enunciation skills. Unfortunately I was too busy robbing Circuit City stores for Kriss Kross tapes and praying my moms wouldn’t find my Playboy stash [2] to really develop a spit game (or a social life) to get in on the get-in, but I did manage to convince this one broad named Brooklyn (no, that’s her real name) to slob on my knob in my homeboy’s bathroom. I hope he never used that face towel after...

Robert, if you’re reading this, my bad.

Anyways, when I got to real college I noticed that it was the same thing, albeit on a larger scale; in other words, most of the smart-dumb cats were damn near nailing chicks to a wall off the strength of their "swagger." Sadly for them their glaringly obvious lack of common sense would show its ass, as some wound up wrapped in baby-mama drama, or worse, a case of the Germ.

In that manner, I’m almost glad my communication skills didn’t fully develop until after I was with my ex for a few years. Lord knows I don’t need some melt burning a hole through my urethra.

If anything, “swagger” has become the new throwbacks, and I’m hoping that the bullshit goes out of style like a Wes Unseld jersey as well. Then again, with so many of the future younglings praising the likes of a high school dropout with Wite-Out on his sunglasses, I highly doubt that the shit’s going to end any time soon.

Great.

Just when I was starting to actually respect people.

[1] Yeah, I know. We hardly talk in person, Brills. Oops.

[2] Stolen nudie magazines hidden under the sock drawer = the first illegal download. Tell me I’m wrong.

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