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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Hip-Hop Hypocrites

A funny thing happened to me the other day.

In my spare time I do freelance work on various commercial shoots around the city [1], which usually means I spend a good 12 hours a day hanging around White people. Honestly (and ironically) I feel more at ease working around a shitload of crackers than with a couple of, well, niggas [2], because Whites tend to be more on their shit and not fuck up my money. Dreaded n-words? Not so much.

Wow... I think I just turned my back on my own race right there. Hold on for a second...

*Checks hands to see if melanin is still intact*

OK, good. I was starting to get worried for a second.

In any case, working on set can be an incredibly tiring experience, so most of the down time is spent talking shit. What’s interesting (or disheartening, depending on your stance) is that I’m the least likely to shoot out a racially-biased joke. You know something is definitely up when YTs make more fun of themselves than Black people.

The point of this story, you may ask? In a world where cracka-ass geezers like Don Imus can catch wreck for describing the texture of an Afrikaan basketball player’s hair follicles [3], could it be that Blacks are more racially insecure than their paleface counterparts? Before the NAMBLA crowd organizes a Jena 6-style rally for my resignation, hear me out for a second.

If there’s one thing that’s oddly gotten my attention more often than not in hip-hop, it’s quite possibly its inane hypocritical nature. By their bizarre logic, it’s perfectly fine for smut-peddling dropouts like Snoop Dogg to call out the skanks of the world, which never made sense to me because he’s only doing what his TIs tell him to do. But once someone that’s not, let’s say, "hip-hop inclined," decides to use our own slanguage against us? It’s not shits and giggles anymore. I could correlate this ass-backward reverse leniency to the fact that Black people were pretty fucked over in their heyday and need something to feel some sense of worth in life, but then that’d just make me a phony militant, not unlike my alleged designated Negro emperors Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, not to mention set the porch monkey generation back a couple years.

Fuck Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. No homo.

My whole thing is this: if Blacks can call out fellow Blacks, Latinos, Asians and yarmulke-rocking yentas, shouldn’t they just as easily be able to take it as well? I mentioned a while back that I could give three-fifths of a shit if I got called out of my name because not only has it happened before, I’m not bitchmade like that. I wish I could say the same for others, but then I smell the Vagisil from way the fuck over here. And yeast infections are never good in the first place.

[1] Because talking wild racist jibba jabba doesn’t keep the lights on.

[2] Mind you, there is a difference between Blacks and niggas.

[3] Like we’ve never called out people because of their hair before. And I’m considered the Amazing Racist around these parts.

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