• » Name: Meka Soul
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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Soundtrack To Your Life

Let’s face it, people: it’s been a somewhat slow and uninteresting fall season for hip-hop, to say the least. Silk Shirts West and Curtsy sold a shitload of records, making a whole heap of kites a lot wealthier than I’ll ever be. Female rappers are becoming gullier than their male counterparts, while male rappers are looking more like thugged-out figure skaters. I suppose the most intriguing thing that’s happened to me as of late were those yentas’ failed mission to get me extricated from this site a few weeks back, but those snake charmers couldn’t even sway a cobra out of a turban with a flute, much less get me fired.

Pause, no Punjab from Annie on that last line.

Anyways, the music from these Golliwogs has me reminiscing like Mary J. about the good ol’ days when music inspired many a fucking, stick-up and/or firewater influenced session, similar to how television shows always have the perfect background music for any particular situation. So instead of the usual shit-talk, I thought I’d dedicate a post to the soundtrack to any random-ass scenario. As always, feel free to add your own as well.

Soundtrack to when you’re smashing the preacher’s daughter [1]: Tha Dogg Pound – Bomb Azz Pu**y Before I got disinterested and stopped going altogether, I used to be regular visitor to the church, but it was only to fantasize about the brick-thick daughter of one of the priests. As it turns out, she was a lot of guys’ fantasies as well. Yikes!

Soundtrack to pushing off bottles of water during the Puerto Rican Day Parade: Fat Joe – Success If you’ve even wanted a means to move some kind of product without ever touching a digital scale, buy a couple 24-packs of Poland Spring water and sell those shits for a dollar while humming Fat Joe’s ode to hustling.

Soundtrack to (literally) kicking someone to the curb: RZA – Domestic Violence Male or female, if you’re fed up with the supposed loved one in your life, take two of these when you’re ready to catch a case. Speaking of cases...

Soundtrack to slapping the shit out of some random YT: dead prez – Hell Yeah If you’re too nervous about running up on five-oh with nothing but an open palm and kinetic energy, play this one when you’re about to smack fire out of the pizza delivery guy. Shit, they even tell you how to at one point in the video!

Soundtrack to your own paranoid thoughts: Beanie Sigel – Feel It In The Air The Geto Boys' "Mind Playing Tricks On Me" is too predictable, and Rockwell’s "Somebody’s Watching Me" is too quasi-homosexual. So why not the haunting, unhinged opener to the Broad Street Bully’s third album? Oh, and Beanie Sigel > Kanye West. Tell me I’m wrong.

[1] Honestly, I had to choose between two other scenarios, but those are essentially illegal in the United States. Child fucking is no joke, no matter if "To Catch A Predator" says otherwise.

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