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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Lil Wayne: The 2007 Version Of The 1990s-Era Method Man

On a totally unrelated note, am I the only one that noticed that Fat Joe of all rappers was a penguin in Happy Feet? Yet I wonder why this rap shit keeps losing.

Anyways, I actually had a chance to converse with my future ex-wife-in-law AHLOT this past weekend. In between discussing about the important matters in life – like whether or not sex is better either vaginally or “the real way” – she lamented about the recent BET “Hip-Hop” Awards were ran by, for lack of a better term, a bunch of porch monkeys. I couldn’t really say anything to dispute that theory, especially considering that I was a member of the crowd who was graciously pepper-sprayed after Young Buck sporked that hump who delivered a 2-piece and a biscuit to Dr. Dre’s face at the Vibe Awards a few years back.

But perhaps it’s not so much the fact that all Black people tend to act like an autistic jackass amongst the flashing lights and cameras than it is just people from the South [1] as a whole. In a sense it’s understandable; the poor public schooling system, combined with the fact that the hurricane turned a once-lush(?) town into something that resembles a traveling carnival, has changed its ass-backward (but loveable!) mogwais to idiotic, rabble-rousing gremlins.

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anybody that the regions most popular rapper more of less looks like The Brain. All Joe Dante movies aside, it’s glaringly obvious that, despite his inane ability to get caught up in the most quasi-homosexual of situations, arguably remains today’s most highly sought-after “artist.” In essence, Lil Wayne’s inexplicable ascension to the top of the rap food chain (before T.I. shoots him down, that is) is eerily reminiscent of Method Man’s own rise in the nineties [2] what with their knack for making the most random of guest appearances [3], yet crafting underwhelming albums [4]. There was once a moment when even Method Man was proclaimed the greatest rapper of his generation, but we all saw how that shit eventually turned out.

If T.I. is supposed to be the king of the south, and Lil Wayne is supposed to be the best thing the South has, I may have to avoid that entire region altogether whenever I take a vacation. Then again, there’s always Strokers...

[1] For the record, both AHLOT and J. Burnett are originally from the Midwest, so they get the pass on this theory.

[2] Now before any panties get in a bunch, I must reiterate that I am basing this off their sudden increase in popularity, not their skills on the mic. However, Raekwon > Method Man.

[3] I know I’m not the only one who remembers Meth’s guest slot on Shaquille O’Neal’s “No Hooks.”

[4] I did like “Mo’ Fire” though, if that’s any consolation.

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