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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Black On No Sides

In case you don’t know, I’ve not been a fan of Bojangles Entertainment Television for quite some time now. What makes this tidbit (not so) more interesting is that when I was an aspiring stick-up kid living in Long Beach (and we all know how well that turned out), I didn’t have cable for a good eight years [1] until I moved into my college apartment way the fuck back in 2002.

In a sense, being deprived of BET, MTV and virtually any and every conduit that played music videos (well, when they used to play music videos) made me appreciate the art form more, as I essentially had to wean off of word-of-mouth, magazines and my own discoveries to develop my own tastes. So naturally, when I finally moved out of my mother’s house and got cable (as well as the luxury to have sex without being walked in on and mollywhopped afterward), I spent more time “catching up” on old videos via YouTube (before its blackface days) than visually BuFu’ing my eyes watching the likes of Ms. Jade and Lil’ Flip.

But even though they were slowly eschewing their nightly news program for reruns of shitbag UPN shows and playing some random-ass gospel show after UnCut [2], I felt (or at least tricked myself in to believing) that BET was still a relevant, positive influence and choice for, well, porch monkeys like myself and most of the South.

I could not have been more wrong.

Now that I’ve had access to the channel over the past half-decade, I’ve actually made a conscious effort to not watch it at all, as it’s painfully obvious they couldn’t pull decent programming out of their ass even if Justin Slayer just ran through it [||]. Never would I ever expect VH1 – whose original format was, in laymen’s terms, MTV for the colon cancer crowd – to usurp any and every smidgen on Blackness BET used to have, which in a sense is getting dangerous because you know how us darkies like to fuck shit up.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I can’t help feel somewhat confused about the state of BET. Apparently Black people run it, so logically they should be a fair representation of Black culture right? But maybe they’ve never been more accurate in depicting it than they are now. And if that’s the case, I better knock up a PAWG soon. Lord knows they can already get me a good job.

[1] This probably explains why I take pleasure in dumb-ass local commercials like this one (shout outs to Drea for that) and (if you’ve ever lived in Southern California and stayed at home on a weekday) this one.

[2] “What That Thang Smell Like,” “Time For Freakin’” and anything by Mighty Casey and Joker The Bailbondsman > that rather fruitbaggy video Ja Rule has out right now. Tell me I’m wrong.

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