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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Wildflower

A few words of advice to any aspiring rappers, singers... Hell, to all guys (and girls who get down like that) in general: sleeping with Karrine Stephans will probably not do anything for your career outside of requiring a year’s worth of Herpecin-L.

Seriously, the simple fact that I’m dropping her name in this blog shows how insidiously ass-backward this so-called hip-hop shit can be, because on the real, has this bitch [1] actually done anything other then half of the world’s population? Does she see feel any sense of accomplishment letting everybody from Spliff Star to fucking Bill Maher run up in her proverbial hot spot like some random-ass Queens-bred goonie goo-goo from the 30th floor of his high-rise HUD apartment does an unwilling towel head in his bodega [2]?

I’ve never understood the fascination with Superhead. For one, this woman (and I’m using the term ridiculously loosely here) essentially fucked her way to the top of the food chain, becoming a Brazillionaire in the process. Call me out of touch but technically, isn’t what she’s doing more or less prostitution? Then again, I’m watching a porno while I’m typing this shit (because I can multi-task like that), so it’s not like I’m one to talk about morals.

The obvious dilemma of this is, of course, the image she gives the actual aspiring “business women” who are “only using ‘modeling’ as a stepping stone to further their career,” not unlike the bevy of thick-bodied (damn Persian!) ladies that grace the Beauty and Brains section of this site. Not to say that any of them are money-hungry skeeze-bags like Ms. Stephans, but it makes me wonder if the rest of the world won’t see them in the same light, no thanks due to her exploits. But let’s face it: these women have chosen a profession where they’re made to appease to the red-blooded, hetero male’s (or dyke’s) carnal lust for all things sexual. So while I know that they’re not indicative of how all cola bottle-shaped women are, can they really blame us for responding in a manner like B&B comments All-Star 420westcoast’s rants? Shit, when I was younger I couldn’t stop thinking of sex, and half of the chicks who were doing this shit back then more or less resembled Kelly LeBrock circa Weird Science. Imagine today’s teenager seeing this shit, and they’ve more or less turned into mutants because of all the hormones in those Chicken McNuggets & shit.

***

Yes, I know about the fact that men do the same shit on a daily basis. But does that make the shit any better? Not to get all preachy, but this whole “we do it because you do it” rhetoric is a little flaccid. Step your respective games up, men and women; the "eye for an eye" theory is getting sad.



[1] It’s OK if I call this one a bitch, right? Isiah Thomas has essentially fucked it up for the rest of us, so I really can’t foot any kind of sexual harassment bill at the moment.

[2] It’s nice to see I can still fuck with people like that. I was starting to worry there for a second.

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