• » Name: Meka Soul
• » Location: Los Angeles, CA
• » Member Since: 04/09/07
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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Rap Is Full Of Shit

While I enjoy what I do and what’s happened to me since I returned to it, there are times where this industry you (the reader) and I (the cynical blogger/journalist) love so dearly (don’t front) will get to me. In this never-ending, always-demanding profession I chose to pursue a few years ago, there’s been a shitload of times where I almost put down the proverbial pen and said, “Fuck this shit.”

But not because of the cyber-haters, of course. They can bite my ass. [||]

There was actually a time where I actually put my writing game on hold, though. I mentioned it before, but when I started taking this writing shit seriously some three years ago, after a combination of fucked up politics, bitch-ass “rappers” and a lack of decent pay, my brain literally shut down the part of me that loved to write for the creative, artistic aspects of it when I realized I was only doing it to pay a phone bill a mere six months into the shit.

And I didn’t write again for two years.

In a sense, the sabbatical gave me enough time to recharge, re-evaluate and re-energize my confidence in my work. It also helped that I developed a much more wary attitude of the business as a whole, although some of you will call it “hating.”

The reason I bring up my scenario [1] it makes me wonder how these rappers can do it, with the extraordinary amount of pressure that gets knuckleballed their way all the time. While many of us like to bark on how they lost their hunger once they got rich, I highly doubt they could keep that energy consistently once they’ve become a public figure. Not to say I feel sorry for them when they bitch about not being able to get a McGriddle without getting mobbed by Stanleys (or if they’re lucky, slores), but you have to wonder just how much the shit takes it toll on them.

Take Fiddy for instance. After recently seeing that news video of Curtsy not wanting to do music anymore, I actually felt a little sad for the guy (I know). Think about it: he spends so much time playing the role of the ‘roided-out super-villain that he couldn’t show some vulnerability if he wanted to, lest the public eye jump on his ass calling him all kinds of homophobic jibba jabba. Need further proof? Check how he backpedaled literally 12 hours later, threatening to go to war with the rap version of Al-Jazeera itself.

But I guess it’s the sacrifice we all have to make in order to make it. Perhaps I’m looking to deep into it as I always do things, but it’d actually kinda suck if these thoughts held some sort of validity to them. But fuck it, though: I can vent on random cyber-thug #358 any day of the week to make me feel better.

[1] Food for thought: I had a breakdown six months into the shit (yeah, I know. Pussy, right?). Imagine being someone who’s been in it (except those cloaked TIs you never see) for damn near a decade or more.

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