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	August 2007
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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Stop Skeemin’, And Lookin’ Hard

While I was marking my territory in the opinionated realm of the women’s movement last week (which I’ve come to realize as a moot point, since I could write a dissertation on why women are superior than men and have the shit shot down all because I have a pair of nuts at my waist), the most telltale response I noticed regarding men was that because they’re determined to the world how “independent” they are by yelling it out a window and such, those women believe that – in their own magically delicious world – the majority, if not all, men out there are nothing more than either lazy bumfucks who constantly knock women up then dip out come child support time, or fraudulent super thugs that push more weight than Kelly Price before the diet and get their rocks off slapping nappy-headed hoes through windows.

"I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next person that says ‘shenanigans’"...

I could go on and easily correlate that inane theory to the fact that any woman who honestly believes that is not only single, but also fucked up in the head and in dire need of a self-esteem boost, but then I’d probably just end up shitting on whatever dwindling attractiveness women have for me. And I certainly wouldn’t want that to happen.

It doesn’t take rocket science to realize how asinine and wrong this train of thought is. While it’s true that more women are “manning up” in the work and family forces, it’s somewhat depressing to see that the improvements and progressions of the male species are pushed aside almost to a point of irrelevance, which is wrong on a variety of levels. I think I can speak on behalf of the Adam’s Apple-having contingent that for every hard-working, strong-willed woman running around in this society, there is an equally proficient man who did not have to resort to drug sales and petty thug theatrics to become successful as well. I know I’ve never had to pop a cannon or sell some crack to get to where I am today (although there were those couple times I gave blood to pay for my college tuition, but I digress), and while I’m no big-shot executive (I can’t even run a triangle offense in NBA Live, for fuck’s sakes) I’ve done pretty well for myself.

But perhaps that misguided reasoning stems from the mental brainwashing men and women receive from today’s media. When I stayed home because of a cold a few weeks ago, I couldn’t help but notice the over-abundance of caricatures on the so-called channel for the Black people, BET, where either the average guy was a six-pack exposing, greased-up pretty boy with a waxed chest, or a muumuu-wearing, crack-dealing soldier with more chains around their neck than Kunta Kinte had in his prime. While it’s laughable to think that these images are an accurate depiction of today’s man, it also came to me that the CEO of Bojangles Entertainment Television is a woman. Knowing that this person is essentially in charge of all programming on the shitbag excuse of a network, it makes me believe that either she is a scorned old hag, not unlike Terry McMillan (boy is she pissed!), determined to make all men feel the wrath from her failures in finding the right man to stuff her monkey properly by primarily showing visuals that make guys look like fools, or an underwear-with-the-dickhole-wearing lesbian who wouldn’t know what a real man was if he plopped his junk on her forehead. For my future’s sake, I pray I’m wrong this time.

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