• » Name: Meka Soul
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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Anatomy Of An “Internets Gangsta”

“Listen mothathafuckas (editor’s note: Huh?), the next nigga to start talkin’ wreckless (sic), I'm going to send a virus to their IP address. Now thats (sic) a true internet gangsta!” – Perhaps unsurprisingly, some random-ass DX hump

So yesterday, my more sensible half dropped a post voicing his concerns about the newest addition to our blogging brethren Tigallo’s group’s decision to have MC Tree Monkey make a guest appearance on their upcoming album. Personally, I don’t give two shits if Fraggle Rock pops up on a track with the rotting corpses of Daniel Pearl and Jesus themselves; I can’t knock the hustle of anybody (I just mock them instead), no matter how oddball and asinine it seems on the surface. Shake could be right though about Gizmo rapping along the lines of his surprisingly decent “Hollywood Divorce” verse, but I more or less expect the same random-ass “Wobble Dee Wobble Dee” bullshit he’s been using to trick the public with since he fished out Camouflage’s rhyme book from his casket in the Gulf Coast a few years back.

But I’m getting too far ahead of myself.

Anyways, after a brief period of commentary from the c-boys about said post, the whole shit deteriorated into a cyber-shouting match, not unlike that prison game in which inmates drop their pants to see which person has the largest piece on them (pause), punctuated by that colorful observation at the top of this post. I could go on and correlate its numerous grammatical and punctuation mistakes to my theory that America’s current school system is severely fucked up and hyper-underdeveloped, but once again I’d be digressing from my point.

Not to be judgmental or anything (right...), but when did it become “the thing to do” for these retarded assclowns to pop up on the Internets and start spewing random-ass shit about flying over to another part of the country to pass out eye jammie tickets to a person they’ve never even seen or met face to face? Granted, I’ve received my share of homoerotic jibba jabba, but for the most part I’ve ignored it whenever some schmuck gets out of pocket, save for that infamous instance earlier this month, and I try to take the higher route whenever some herb e-retaliates because some not-so-endearing words were exchanged about their favorite junior high school dropout “rapper,” because let’s be honest, anybody who takes pride in dishing out e-threats or feels they need to insult other c-boys and bloggers to get their point across is about as lame as the Stanleys who defend that same shithead artist who doesn’t even care for them.

I could be wrong, however. Maybe these weenies have put in so much work in “the streets” that they figure the next step is to take over the Internets Tony Montana-style, what with it being such an ever-expanding cesspool of gankable music, free porn and pop-up ads. If it’s because of that bizarre logic, it would prove much more beneficial to walk up to the office of your service provider and proceed to smack the flames out of its employees’ asses, rather than bark down on “Blue Steel, Mack 10 Foe Life!,” as they are the ones responsible for providing the access to allow such bullshit. Or better yet, take on the Internets inventor, Al Gore. He’s not doing anything meaningful nowadays; why should we give a fuck that we are plunging this world into a state of despair and destruction on a daily basis, when “Chimichonga69” called you out of your alias?

I think that in my particular case studies, said chumps would like me to put their name in my blogs so they can feel gain some sort of bizarre self-esteem boost, not unlike the child who hasn’t been hugged enough, because I’m cool like that. Perhaps if I had a pair of honkers like my blogging sisters, I’d receive the prerequisite “Come over and see me sometime!” rants (do those work?) instead, even if my writing style remained the same. Besides, any feedback received is always proof positive that us bloggers are doing our job well and bringing more traffic to this site, which are the reasons our overlords throw us a piece of bandwidth in the first place. So in that sense, I can sleep easier at night knowing that I stay winning.

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