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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

“Some Tall Israeli Is Running This Rap Shit...”

“Or I don't know anything about hip-hop because I'm white?” - Fellow DX blogger Shake

On weekends I usually try to steer clear of my personal computer since my job sometimes requires that I spend a shitload of time on it, save for when I read the news, throw music into my iPod [1] or rapidspaceupload the latest edition of Ass Parade from my “connect.” So when I hopped onto this section of the Internets this past Sunday, not unlike when a whore gets called back by her pimp, I had a chance to read my Vegas blogging brother from another mother Shake’s post about dog violator Michael Vick’s current situation. While scrolling through the comments section, I was somewhat bemused (but not really) at how the topic veered off from whether Ron Mexico is guilty of having dogs shot, lynched, gang-raped and a whole heap of other extra-fucked up shit to the tried-and-true rants about racism.

Leave it to us porch monkeys to call shenanigans on everything!

Let’s get things perfectly clear: whether Vick is guilty or not (he’s at least guilty by association: the damn thing was ran at his house for crying out loud!) is for the courts to decide. However, if this was a well-known NFL player who happened to be a paleface, gook, Jawa or wetback, the result would still be the same. Had Ronnie tried to work on his throwing accuracy (I swear I've lost so many Madden games because of that deficiency) instead of having pitbulls run up in each other American Me-style, this shit may have happened to his hooligan brother, and we subsequently wouldn’t give a shit.

Another interesting aspect is the fact that a sell-out buffoon like Jason Whitlock is quick to throw the blame on the hip-hop culture, as if DMX himself forced Vick at gunpoint to pull this dumb shit. What’s funny to me is that today’s hip-hop imagery is prevalently controlled by a bunch of crackas and tall Israelis (who in turn are using what the idiots today believe is the “hot shit,” but I digress); by that logic, wouldn’t all those YTs be responsible for Ron-Ron thinking it’s a great idea to host canine bukkake sessions in his backyard? Perhaps if Mr. Whitlock’s fat ass would take a second to stop listening to his urges for a Luther Burger and thought about that, perhaps he wouldn’t have looked like the jackass A-Plus so eloquently described a few days ago.

I’ll save judgment for Vick until later but from what I’ve read so far, whomever accountable for that shit is one seriously fucked-in-the-head person. At the same time, targeting hip-hop for everything wrong with society is becoming rather trite. Let’s just hope they actually don’t ban hip-hop like I mentioned before; I really don’t want to be used as currency in San Quentin because I got caught playing Ready To Die.

[1] Let it be known that while I roll with Brillyance and Shake on the whole “fuck the iPod” deal, I unfortunately have to have one since Apple computers won’t allow anything else. Monopolies are a bitch.

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