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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

RIP DJs

Last week, I discussed my disdain for Internets DJs and their unwarranted need to place their watermarks – usually in the guise of some annoying-ass person screaming their name and/or some equally ear-crushing sound – all over their mixtapes, essentially detracting from the song’s quality and overall fucking up the enjoyment of said song. While most of the comments that followed were flat-out hilarious (word to Mark Twain Fame a/k/a The Grilled Cheese Maker a/k/a Pour More Syrup On My Hotcakes. Ha!), the most insightful one (and thus the inspiration for this post) was Pancho S. Arsenal’s remark.

And I quote:

One more thing... if these DJs want to be called DJs... then at least make the attempt to learn how to cut and scratch.

That, to me at least, is the words of a true Hip-Hop head.

What I forgot to mention in my previous post (no thanks to “Headshot,” the world’s worst mixtape signature, next to the reverb effect and “DJ ‘THE FUCK!’ Drama!” [1]) was that most of these cartoon characters have eschewed the original innovations of Grand Wizard Theodore all the way to Cocoa Chanelle and countless others, and instead relishing in pseudo-thug tendencies, shouting out faceless no-names, placing ass-backward sounds over songs and/or making a general ass of themselves on tracks.

In the past, the DJ was undoubtedly the key component to any rap song, and while they were usually the least recognized, they were also the most respected. Somewhere along the way though some hump decided he wanted some shine as well, and thus the DJ’s devolution has been going on since.

It’s gotten to the point now where DJs make threats of physical violence and references to drug sales, not unlike the shitty rappers they endorse. I don’t believe for a second that a schmuck like DJ Clue? is a gangsta, especially considering that he “accidentally” got punched in his mouth by Beanie Sigel and didn’t do anything about it in that Backstage flick. Unless your alias is DJ Kay Slay (who was once a respected graf artist, and has actually slapped out a few people in his day, before making an idiot out of himself with that YouTube of him on the crapper eating cereal, but I digress), I find it hard to believe that some record spinner flipped birds in their down time.

The worst offender of them all has to be Miami’s own The Great Khali. Aside from the fact he looks like a Down’s Syndrome baby behind the boards, I’ve yet to see this space-waster do anything remotely connected to the art of deejaying. Maybe the fact that he has friends in high place, not to mention the means to have the Sears Tower blown up on a whim, has him in the position he’s in now.

It’s already bad enough that any random-ass person could say they’re a DJ and have nothing to show for it, but when the top names start fucking it all up, Hip-Hop has a problem.

[1] Does that particular one not make sense to anybody else other than me?

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