• » Name: Meka Soul
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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Meka Soul’s Top 5 Bangingest Females

Before I start this, I’d like to say that I am not disrespecting women in any way, as I find beauty in every woman from every race. That said, if there are any ladies out there that’d like to help me make my moms stop trying to find me a mate – and making me feel more pathetic in the process – the email addy’s right under the picture.

If there’s one thing I can proudly boast about (aside from my witty vernacular and striking good looks), it’s that I have this weird ability to predict the “next hot thing” in hip-hop among my friends. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been successfully able to guess that ringtones, throwback jerseys and (ugh) Kanye West would blow the fuck up. Now, I’d never consider myself the hip-hop (and heterosexual, mind you) version of Tim Gunn, but I tend to stay on my shit when it comes to meaningless trends.

With that said, summer is one of my favorite times of the year, in the sense that damn near every woman with a cola-bottle shape will be out showing their wares like an open-air strip club. In honor of this mid-year celebration – as well as drawing inspiration from various lists and posts – I’d like to present my own quick fix of women who are normally off everybody’s radar yet whose proverbial bathwater I’d drink, in no particular order. Feel free to add in your own underrated dimer as well.

1. Kerry Washington – My first time seeing this doe-eyed beauty was when she played a dyke in She Hate Me – another in a long line of Spike Lee disappointments – where she promptly straddled her ex-boyfriend within the first 45 minutes of the flick. Freaky tales aside, I knew she was that prototype when I saw her in I Think I Love My Wife. Anybody who wants to rock some fuck-me pumps during Smash Time is A-OK with me.

2. Malinda Williams – Another in the line of full-lipped quarter-pieces, Malinda was working with something when I saw her put it on that schmuck in The Wood. But I knew she was the one when I caught her at some random-ass Vibe Awards I volunteered for a few years back. You ever have that feeling where time seems to slow down? Yeah, Malinda put my whole shit on pause status. Pause, just in case.

3. Tamala Jones – While her acting skills leave a little to be desired, Ms. Jones has that classic, homegirl-next door look. She’s the type of chick that you don’t really pay much attention to until she grows up and steps out of the house in some crazy-fly outfit that puts you on stuck-mode. Seeing her gyrate with a fur bikini in Wu-Tang’s “Gravel Pit” video did that for me.

4. The female bartender/waitress at the club – Switching genres for a minute, these women are by far the most overlooked shorties of all time. With all the fake players & other greasy humps that parade a club looking for the first thing to dry-hump, the ones with the aprons picking up drinks are the most eligible out of all the broads you see at a club. Why? If the snug, jet-black jeans showing off the curves won’t do the trick, the simple fact that you know she has a job ought to.

5. That four-hootered chick from Total Recall – Do I really need to elaborate on this? Enough said.

***
UPDATE: At the behest of my blogging sister from another mister aliya, I've taken the liberty of adding links to picture of Ms. Washington, Ms. Williams and Ms. Jones, as well as some random-ass bartenders. For the... er... woman in the Total Recall flick, you'll have to search for that shit yourself. Meka Soul is for the childern.

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