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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

A Long, Hot, Boring Summer

With summer usually being the make or break period in rap music, it’s not uncommon to see more bullshit than usual flood the airwaves and Internets. While some of those songs tend to stick inside our collective consciences not unlike a hollow-point to the head at point-blank range, most of them will eventually end up at the bargain bin at the local Terrible’s Car Wash. Not to say I wasn’t enthralled with “Teabag Dat Hoe,” but personally I could have done without “Wet Wipes” and “I Love My Bitch.” Apparently those shits aren’t for me though, as I witnessed two women damn near start scissoring on the dance floor once “Disco Inferno” was thrown on at the birthday party I attended last night (where oddly enough I spotted the newest addition to our blogging brethren, Crooked I).

Although the radio and television have done a stand-up job violating my eardrums thus far, I’ve more of less found myself returning to those mediums nowadays. While I derive some sort of guilty, if not masochistic, pleasure blasting “I’m A Flirt” and “Straight To The Bank” in the car my mom gave me, my cynical pride makes me unwilling to illegally throw those shits into my iPod. Call me crazy, but I particularly don’t dig guys who piss on underage jailbait and introduce brassiere tops to the masses. Pause.

While I’m on the subject of Fiddy, he’s already kicked off his latest shit-starting campaign in support of his upcoming album into high gear, this time with recently ex-communicated Diplomat Cam’Ron in the place of Ja Rule [1]. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, Cam made a little noise last Friday with his home video from his retirement center in La Jolla, responding to Curtis’ accusations that he’s been in hiding since getting sucker-punched by Tru Life a few weeks ago. The shots of the pool the size of the sauna at my local gym and Cam running around in some Daisy Dukes (pause) were hilarious, but the real kicker was the second video, when the shot zoomed in on his face as if to show and prove that he never caught an eye jammie in the first place. I don’t know about you, but the shit looked pretty fucked up to me.

But we all know that Cam’Ron has more pressing issues to worry about than Bugs Monkey picking on him for some extra record sales. If what Jim Jones said to Asian sensation Ms. Info a while back was true (and although he and hired gun Hell Rell have tried to downplay it as of late, we all know that shit is), then not only does Cam have to deal with the fact he was unceremoniously kicked out the group he founded, but he also will be forced to go it alone against the Jimmy Iovine-run machine. And as evidenced in the battles against Styles and Cassidy [2], those odds never end with a good outcome. Then again, leaving the Dips could prove beneficial for Cam. Seeing as how Grandpa Simpson just benched Tru Life for Beanie Sigel, I really don’t think Jr. Writer or Jha’Jha really stand a chance now.

As (un)interesting as this ordeal may sound, it’s kind of sad to see Curtis essentially rehash the same ideals he pulled against Ja Rule and Game in order to build a buzz for his latest shit sammich. But I guess when your album cover is a direct rip-off of two LL Cool J covers, you don’t have much going for you in the first place.

[1] Or Nas. Or Fat Joe. Or Game. Or Jadakiss. They’re all interchangeable.

[2] Although Cassidy ended up doing time for shooting up his weed carrier, then had his cranium cracked by a UPS truck before that beef had a chance to be any good.

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