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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Quit Hating The South

A few months back I read a blog somewhere that declared T.I., Young Jeezy and Lil Wayne were the current hip-hop generation’s (read: over-developed teenagers who grow up to be future WIC recipients and happen to “have heat for bitch ass pussies” like myself) Jay-Z, Biggie and Nas respectively. Biased asshole that I am, I immediately commented (with exclamation points at that!) that the person who wrote that shit should kill himself for saying such nonsense.

But since that one fateful day, the more I thought about those comparisons, the more accurate I began to think the blogger was. Not to say that the three have any classic material that could hold a torch to Illmatic, Ready To Die or Reasonable Doubt, but in terms of their overall mass appeal and presence in today’s era.

Regardless of how many people feel, we all have to agree that Southern-based hip-hop has a Sharpshooter-style hold on the rap game. That region’s impact is so dense that other rappers are either moving down South to appeal to their demographic or making poor imitations of Southern songs to stay relevant. And at the forefront of the South are The Snowman, Weezy F. Baby and The King. It’s essentially the same setup back in the mid- to late-nineties when the East Coast reigned supreme, with Jay-Z, Nas and The Notorious B.I.G. running wild.

But as one of my favorite bloggers once said, their only problem is that the said impact has invaded their very consciences so much that they refuse to acknowledge that any of their music stinks to high hell, and are real quick to call any detractor a racist (huh?) hater, which makes no sense. Or in my case, they’d cut off the pilot light on the water heater in the one-room apartment I barely make rent for sometimes so I have to take a shower boiling water on my stove. But I digress.

I’ll admit that joints like Outkast’s “Hollywood Divorce” (particularly the verse of everyone’s favorite Muppet) and Rich Boy’s “Lost Ones” are incredible songs that truly showcase the abilities of Southern music. And Waitin’ To Inhale is probably the best rap album of 2007 so far. Yet once someone mentions that a song such as Lil Boosie’s Zoom” (who had the funniest Wikipedia entry of all time) is a shitty-ass song (and let’s be honest, it is), random-ass people from the most random-ass cities in the South will jump down your throat without hesitation.

Seriously though, I love the South’s unwavering dedication to and loyalty for their own kindred, and contrary to how my blogging brother from another mother SY Young feels, they are not responsible for hip-hop currently sucking balls. While the East (north?) and West continually bitch and fight like a wounded ex-girlfriend, it’s the South’s unique unity that keeps them relevant and subsequently running shit. Alas, it’s that same blind faith which has foolishly convinced them that they can’t get shot off their high horse. Perhaps when their inevitable fall from grace occurs southerners will finally fess up to their follies. But we should all respect them at the very least for keeping the flames of hip-hop lit. I may be a biased asshole, but I can at least give credit where credit is due.

P.S.: Maybe when I’m inspired I’ll do something about how Sunny Bridges is the greatest Southern rapper alive. But only if he finally quits that Vaudeville Villain shit.

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