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Slap-Boxing With Jesus

Snoop Dogg, Voice Of The Black People

Not to beat a dead horse or anything (as I had planned on posting an insightful piece on white women and black music instead), but the uproar over recently fired cracka-ass geezer Don Imus over his "racially charged" comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team has sent the black community into a tizzy. Me personally, I found the shits to be hilarious, but apparently I'm the only one, as Al "Sweet Daddy Grace" Sharpton and Jesse "Hymietown" Jackson have already marched and bitched about it, and now hip-hop role model Snoop Dogg has jumped into the fray.

To wit:

"Kick him off the air forever," he added. "Ban him like they did [Adam] 'Pacman" Jones. They kicked him out the [National Football] League for the whole season [for numerous violations of the NFL's personal-conduct policy, including multiple arrests], but this punk gets to get on the air and call black women 'nappy-headed hoes.'"

First off, it should be noted that calling black women hoes > slapping a stripper and shooting a bouncer. I'm just saying.

Anyways, not to say I'm a shining beacon of moral wholesomeness (partly because I've already told a couple of wetback jokes to my Latino co-workers a good five minutes ago), but wouldn't this be the proverbial pot calling the kettle black or something? My first introduction to Calvin was way the fuck back in 1992 when I saw him in that video that had some random jig pull down that one girl's bikini top during a volleyball game and another chick sprayed with Old English while he rapped about tea-bagging Uncle Luke [1]. Pause. Is it any wonder I eventually turned to a life of crime five years later? MC Hammer wasn't teaching me this shit!

But I digress. So what does Calvin have to say about the critics that compared Imus' comments to his own from, say, the past 15 years?

"[Rappers] are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We're talking about hoes that's in the 'hood that ain't doing shit, that's trying to get a nigga for his money. These are two separate things. First of all, we ain't no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them muthafuckas say we in the same league as him."

Oh really?

I thought this smelled of bullshit, as perhaps another way of appealing to the community and court system, as yet another way to avoid a prison sentence (read: butt sex. Pause.), what with Snoop catching cases almost every other week. Then I read that Snoop has a new album coming out soon, so this is obviously a ploy to reel in the bitches to buy his latest shit sammich, which is just wrong on so many levels.

[1] I think I’m getting the three mixed up, but follow me.

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